Friday, January 18, 2013

How to deal with disappointments and sadness?

Cristina Turcan is one from millions of people who is facing also disappointments from time to time and believe me, not less than you. I'm also a human being, with feelings and expectations. 
I get disappointed in many things and even people, most of the time, and that is true.
Like today, for example, I got disappointed in my mom, because she removed the Christmas tree, while I was sleeping in the morning, and I told her few days before that I want to keep the Christmas tree until the end of January, but she didn't care about what I want, so she did it as she wanted. But this is nothing, comparing with other disappointments we are getting in life, right?

There are moments in life, when we have a bad experience, maybe a divorce or losing a friend, or being the victim of theft or maybe failed relationships,or someone hurted your feelings, and in these moment the sadness is suffocating you and the disappointment  can make your nights white and your eyes wet. But in these moments, you are always alone, even with a thousand people around you, you are alone. In fact, you have the worst company in existence...pain.

You may be disappointed in a parent, your child, your spouse, a lover, an employer or job, an event, or in yourself. In any case, disappointment is the experience of sadness involving unfulfilled hopes or expectations. When you consider what might have been, in contrast to what exists in the present, you may experience disappointment.  

The reasons and sadness and tears are endless. There are moments, when you don't know what to do, when you don't know what decision to take and what is good for you or not. It's so hard, when you have to hide your sadness and your tears from the curious eyes, to whom you have to explain. How hard is to overcome the darkness of time... 

Disappoint, like shit, happens. None of us are strangers to it, of course. Disappointment is the most unpleasant feeling, a profound way in which sadness is experienced. I don't feel that I have any amazing tada! lessons to share with you-how to get past disappointments fast! But wait! Maybe, I do have some advices:

  • Don't let your hope run wild. It's terrible that feeling of letting go, because you can't do more or that acceptance of defeat. No matter what you lose, do not lose hope! It's the only thing that keeps us afloat no matter how deep are the waters in which we swim at the time.
  • Don't make too many plans. You can talk about plans, a lot, but don't invest too much hope in them.
  • Learn to channel your emotions and focus on something more useful. Watch a good movie, read a new book, go out with your friends to a coffee shop, not to a club and don't eat until explode!
  • Let it out. Be like a child who will cry and scream or laugh, until it runs out and then he is ready genuinely to move on.
  • Don't be artificial about how you feel. It will not last. Say ''I am disappointed ''. Recognize it! Being willing to say it starts to free up our hearts and moves us away from resentment and bitterness.
  • Accept them. You will continue to be disappointed- that is a part of life, part of being human. This step is a lifelong challenge and fundamental to dealing with disappointment. I will be disappointed, I will disappoint, you will be disappointed, and you will disappoint. Life will be disappointing- but it will pass. Disappointment is a part of life, but all parts of life can help us grow.
  • Be honest about your expectations. There is a reason why you are disappointed, and it's because your expectations weren't met. Maybe, it's just unrealistic to have that expectation on that particular person. Maybe they can't handle what you are putting on them, and you'll need to shift how you see the relationship.
  • Find compassion in the midst of disappointment. If there is a person who disappointed you, there is an opportunity for you to develop compassion for this person. Perhaps, he or she behaved in ways that even he / she  would like to change. Maybe, this person is going through something in life that is difficult for him / her. Or possibly, he / she have experienced some challenges in his / her life that are preventing him / her from responding in ways that are loving or life-giving. At the same time, it's always helpful to look within and discover ways in which we have disappointed others in the past. In the same way that you want to be forgiven when you disappoint others, you now have the opportunity to extend grace to someone in your own life.
  • Cry! People do not cry because they're weak, but because they feel. It's good for your soul to cry and to pull off the pain. And, after this you feel better.
How do you feel now? Still confused? Sad? Cold? Afraid? It hurts? :-) You can't breath?You don't know how you feel yet? What to use- heart or head? 

Okay, then let me tell you something, which might really help you! 
Life does not end next to a broken relationship, a failed marriage, a friendship betrayed, or lost a job. Yes, we learned something from each, but I can say with my hand on mouse that we could do well without most of them. 
Time does not stand next to you, it just passes you. It's you and only you who have the strength to get up from the crash site and to look forward and not back.
Looking at you, deep in your soul, you are the same! You haven't been stolen, maybe few tears and they have applied you an ''open heart surgery''. But you survived!!!

3 comments:

  1. Perfect timing.I truly relate to this right now, Someone utterly disappointed me.This article is helping me to let go of the hurt I feel. Thank you Cris for writing this.

    btw that little boy is so cute.

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  2. Thanks Leonora, i'm very glad you liked this article, hope it will really help you! Yeah, that boy is cute, but is very sad when you see a disappointed child:-(

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  3. yeh realistic and explanatory

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